Billed An Actor

With actors/actresses having unfair access to the media, especially with their antics and strange over-the-top, dressed to thrill, collagen/botox inflated lip behavior, it is time to label some of these tabloid types for what they are.  It is up to you, the public, to fill in the blanks in each category with the name of the famous or infamous individual who fits the appropriate definition.

I have taken the liberty to coin or borrow words that can be built around the word actor and actress.

Wactor/Wactress – This term applies to someone who may or may not be talented in front of the lens, but when the camera stops rolling, a personality emerges that can best be described as infantile, narcissistic, and/or condescending.  (Jekyll and Hyde comes to mind.)  The individual who exhibits this malady could be kooky enough to complain about something as irrelevant as the temperature of their tea to screaming for wine and sedatives from their assistants.  Remember this one, “I’m ready for my close-up Mr. DeMille.”

Cractor/Cractress – I’m taking Lindsay Lohan out of the running for this one.  (She’s too easy a target.)  Besides, this definition would hug her like a pair of Daisy Dukes.  Loosely thrown about, it would be used to describe one of those sorry individuals who fancy drugs such as: crack, coke, heroine, or crystal meth to escape from reality.  In his or her search for happiness, everyone else will suffer because of his or her selfish behavior.

Factor/Factress – This is the only semi-flattering term on the list.  It is used to describe a Hollywood heavyweight who could do some real damage at the box-office by racking up large grosses.  This could also apply to someone who can wield enough power as to make or break another person’s career.  Product endorsements live and die by these people.  The Streisand Effect would fit comfortably into this category.

Hactor/Hactress – This is an actor or actress who became famous for being famous or became famous because they turned in a performance that closely mirrors their real life persona.  (Being caught on video in a compromising situation does count!) They are able to act in the role as needed but not well.  At the same time, they wear out their screen presence by overexposure in too many parts or become stale in their role in relatively just a few scenes.  On occasion, they can do some real damage by chewing up the scenery.  You can thank M. Night Shyamalan or Quentin Tarantino for their valuable acting skills and prowess.
Tactor/Tactress – This currently popular individual (usually shining for their fifteen minutes of fame) appears on the talk show circuit and says all the right things in all the right places.  They know that they have a limited shelf life.  Their PR people make sure there is no lint on their clothing or a hair out of place.  They exhibit likeability by being plain, diplomatic, or giving off that certain air of savoir-faire.  The average person may find them charming at first.  Eventually, they will get on anyone’s nerves.

Yactor/Yactress – The old adage, “They talk a lot but say very little,” applies here.  You know a person like this.  Everyone knows a person like this.  They talk and talk and talk.  You can’t get a word in edgewise and your mind races through every possible way to commit suicide when in this person’s presence.  Usually, you can compromise with the suicidal thoughts by pretending that your mind has left your body and is out somewhere having a burger.  Unfortunately, the body is trapped and must go through its normal paces of aging.  (Confidentially, you’ll never get these precious moments back.)  Let me just stop and say, I do apologize for straying!  When you see this person coming, you’ll turn and go the other way to avoid them.  When spotting them on television, you have the ability to stonewall this person by switching channels or turning the whole contraption off.  Any TV spokesperson is a perfect example for being this shallow, vapid, and empty individual.  Think of Tony Robbins, or Vince the ShamWow pitchman!  “You followin’ me camera guy?”  R.I.P. Billy Mays!

Now it’s your turn to decide which famous or infamous types fit into each category.  Send your list of illustrious individuals in to  Being an election year, you may be surprised at who gets the most votes.