Cobie Smulders had a great movie at Sundance. It was called Unexpected. This is her other one. Results has a promising premise, the wacky shenanigans of personal trainers, but it is a narrative mess and just not funny.
Kat (Smulders) works at Trevor (Guy Pearce)’s gym. Danny (Kevin Corrigan) hires Kat for private in home personal training. He’s just been divorced and come into some money, so he’s trying to get his life back together. Of course he has the hots for Kat, and that could be the plot of a romantic comedy, but that’s not the plot of Results.
Results can’t decide what it’s about. The society of personal trainers would be enough for a comedy with their business woes and bickering, and their general detachment from non workout society. That’s only a little bit of backdrop in the beginning through. Danny does try to seduce Kat which rightfully makes her angry, but then that story is abandoned too. Was it supposed to be a love triangle between Kat, Trevor and Danny? If it is, that’s unclear. There’s a subplot about Trevor dating someone else that ends in a montage.
Is it that the gym wants Danny’s money? Like a ‘90s comedy where the bank is going to shut down their gym unless they sign the worst client ever to get his money? There could be a funny version of Results with a slew of wacky clients the trainers have to put up with, but they really only focus on the one. Danny’s not wacky. He’s just a quitter. He’s such a slacker, that a character with no motivation isn’t great for a protagonist. I mean, he’s one of three protagonists so if the other two could drive the plot clearly it would be okay. Trevor reveals a significant character detail about 80 minutes into the movie. If that was supposed to be a big surprise, it just doesn’t matter to the plot.
There is a training montage that includes Danny drooling. Is that supposed to be funny? Kat says f*** a lot. That’s not edgy or funny. Results is just such a random, meandering story that you can’t get invested in the, uh, results, and it’s just not funny enough.
Rating – Wait for Cable