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Remy Zero here…

The new MEN IN BLACK 3 is sad…Sad that it’s just a played-out husk. A soulless, craptastic sequel/ remake that reminds you that Barry Sonnenfeld directed the awful WILD WILD WEST more than the original MIB. Fittingly opening with a funeral, J (Will Smith–the only guy who seems to be trying) finds out his friend K has been killed 40 years earlier by a time traveling alien (a boring Jemaine Clement, imitating Tim Curry) that only he can remember.

To stop this from happening, J time travels to 1969 and teams up with a younger version of K (a funny Josh Brolin, humorously imitating Tommy Lee Jones). Sound familiar? It should–its a lazy, uncredited remake of AUSTIN POWERS: THE SPY WHO SHAGGED ME! MIB 3 even picks the same tear Austin time travels to, 1969. It’s disappointing to see David Koepp (JURASSIC PARK, SPIDER-MAN) as one of the three writers on the terrible script. They should have just brought back Ed Solomon, who did the brilliant original.

Seeing this so close to a true game changer, like Joss Whedon’s great AVENGERS only makes MEN IN BLACK 3 look even uncooler by comparison. That film had a more exciting aliens invading New York story. Here, Barry Sonnenfeld is like the coolest kid from middle school in 1997. He’s trying all his old schtick and wondering why you aren’t laughing anymore. Sonnenfeld even throws himself a congratulatory cameo, but it comes long after you’re bored senseless and only serves to remind you that it’s been 15 years since he made a good movie. The climax is sp dragged out, the entire audience was whipping out their cell phones to check the time. Rick Baker probably shouldn’t write any Oscar speech for this, as none of the aliens jump out like they did on the 1997 original. The 3-D is nothing special. AVOID! Go rent Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me instead.

-Remy Zero