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Does anyone care about the season and series finale for the CW’s Smallville?  Louis Love raves about the show as much as he did “The Shield.”  He asked me to write this.  So, I feel I can take some liberties here.  Okay, I plan on taking a lot of liberties.

First of all, the final show will be two hours long.  In essence, tune in to the last sixty seconds and save yourself an hour and fifty-nine minutes of your life.  Watching someone putting on his or her pants one leg at a time is more thrilling.

The big moment everyone has been waiting to see is Clark Kent putting on the traditional Superman outfit and fly through the air.  That’s it!  Personally, I read the comic and that’s more entertaining.  I would rather see Superman put his life on the line and fight a super-villain such as Doomsday or Brainiac.  Only after ten seasons is he able to discover the true measure of his powers and his importance on the world stage.  A teenager going through puberty can get a grasp on things in just a few months.  So, with all the Kryptonian technology at his disposal, we might be able to say Superman/Clark Kent is a slow learner?  Ten years?  Isn’t Tom Welling about 60 by now?  Now, this is strange to me.  Is it true Clark Kent’s character hasn’t been developed enough?  What do you do with an established legend in ten seasons?  You should at least know if he’s been using his X-ray vision to check out girls or know where he keeps his porn stash.

Are we going to see Oliver Queen/Green Arrow doing yoga and shooting flames off of lighted candles with his patented bow and arrows?  Will he be Clark’s best man?  Will Lex Luthor show up?  Will General Zod, Ursa, and Non put in an appearance? Will Lana Lang come back and make earthquakes rock Smallville again?  Where’s Krypto the Wonder Dog?  Why doesn’t Clark Kent enlist and fight for his country in Afghanistan or Iraq?  Is Lois Lane just using Clark for a story?  Will the ghost or illusion of Jonathon Kent put the cape on Clark’s back before he takes his maiden flight?   Is there such a thing as disco ball kryptonite?  Do I ask too many questions?

Finally, if you want to watch everything that’s been hanging out to dry stuffed into the two-hour conclusion, catch Smallville on May 13th.  Check your local listings for the time and channel, because I’m not going to tell you here.  I’m done!